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Grandpa Tumblebug And The EPA

Two men are largely responsible for my passion about government and politics: my father, who was a city councilman for several years during my small-town youth; and my maternal grandfather, who never met a politician he liked.

I am in West Virginia this week to mourn the latter. My grandfather, Wayne Kerns, died during his sleep sometime Saturday night, a few weeks shy of his 80th birthday. Today, he will get some well-deserved time in the spotlight of the blogosphere.

My grandfather was a character, a truth borne out by the nicknames we had for each other. I called him Grandpa Tumblebug, which stuck after we shared a laugh about a dung beatle that eats and lays its eggs in manure. He called me Mugwump, the punchline to a corny joke about a bird that sits on a fence with its “mug” on one side and its “wump” on the other.

Grandpa Tumblebug loved to strike goofy poses for the camera, too. As he opened gifts every birthday and Christmas, he tried on all of his new clothes at once, layer by layer, and held up anything he couldn’t wear. And just for kicks sometimes, he removed his false teeth and flashed a gummy grin.

Grandpa was not all fun and games, though, and his serious side often manifested itself in an everyman’s passion for public affairs. Even the nickname he gave me has its roots in politics. Mugwump just happens to be the term for the politically independent folks who rebelled against their Republican Party in 1884.

Whether Grandpa was complaining to the state about the miserable, muddy condition of the dirt road that led to the old family farmhouse, or squawking about environmental regulations that not long ago ran the Kernses out of the oil and gas business in Tyler County, W.Va., he had a thing or two to say about government. Even in retirement, he occassionally attended city council meetings in my hometown.

Grandpa Tumblebug relished the role of citizen watchdog. He would have been a great blogger.

And so it is fitting today that I pay tribute to him here by publishing the lyrics to a song he always wanted Uncle Sam to hear. He wrote the tune years ago, when an environmental crackdown at the state and federal levels put the pinch on his family’s oil and gas business. Later, when his children bought him time in a nearby studio, Grandpa Tumblebug recorded the song.

The focus of his ire was the Environmental Protection Agency. Here are the lyrics to the song, “Ode to the EPA”:

When the EPA gets a hold on you,
they say, "Now, sir, this is what you're gonna do!"
And when you get it done, they say, "This is not enough."
Now we gotta change it, or they'll slap a fine on us.

They closed up the steel mills, they shut down the mines;
now they’re working on oil and gas for a time.
If you wonder why the fall in our economic way,
you can put the blame completely on the EPA.
They tell us that Freon, which is heavier than air,
floats up to the ozone and makes a hole up there.
They try to tell us that the earth is warming up from this;
if it gets any warmer, we will all freeze to death.

Now chlorine is a chemical, that’s used everywhere,
From the kitchen to industry and chemical warfare.
It purifies our water and makes it safe to use,
Now the EPA thinks that’s gotta go, too.

The people of the USA should be aware
what the EPA is doing to our country fair
Now our jobs are gone and our factories are dead.
We have to buy our clothes from the Orient instead.
When our Congress set up the EPA,
they gave it the power to destroy USA.
What Hitler and Tojo couldn’t do across the tide,
now the EPA is doing inside.

Chorus
They say, “You gotta change this, you gotta change that.
They make so many changes that I don’t know where I’m at.
They’re paddin’ up their bank accounts with our money
While they play a little game called their “job security.”

So rest in peace, Grandpa Tumblebug. Your message finally made its way to Washington.

UPDATE: You can listen to "Ode To The EPA" here.

Posted by Danny | 06:43 PM

Comments

We didn't know Wayne too well, we only got to see him when Barb and Jack graciously had us over for holiday dinners and family gatherings. We always felt close to him and knew that he was a very good man. We know he will be missed by his family and many friends, us included.

Paul and Cathy
(Mom & Dad Johnson)

Mom and Dad Johnson | 07.03.06 09:41 PM

Thanks, Danny, for a very nice tribute to a very special person who happened to be my brother. I am sure he is playing music in his new home and loving every minute of it. Aunt Helen

H McIntosh | 07.05.06 09:54 AM

Grandpas can be wonderful. They love you 'just cause.' Please accept my most sincere condolences. Celebrate his life in your best family fashion. He sounds like my Grandpa(s), and celebration of life and grandchildren and great-grandchildren would seem appropriate.

JorgXMcKie | 07.05.06 04:05 PM

Start a foundation in his name. We can't let a guy with such clear vision be forgotten.

I can see why you love him. I never knew either of my grandfathers. You don't know how blessed you are.

AST | 07.05.06 07:47 PM

Wayne was my friend. I will miss him. HE WAS A GREAT FRIEND.

When I would ask him, "How are you feeling?" he would answer, "Finer than hair on a frog's back split four ways."

When I would ask him, "How are you doing?" he would answer, "Doing everything the same as always, only slower."

How true about the EPA, Wayne (aka, Grandpa Tumblebug). Right on.

From your friend, Tom (aka, Sneaky Snake)

Tom Martin | 07.05.06 10:36 PM

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