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Norman Hsu: A Man Of Many Puns

Democratic fundraiser Norman Hsu, a fugitive until last week, has been the subject of unrelenting torture by pun in the blogosphere for the past several days. Hsu many puns, Hsu little time to share them all, but I'll do my best.

Ed Morrissey at Captain's Quarters has been one of the most prolific Hsu punsters, treating his readers to "Hsu On The Other Foot", "Hillary Not Hsu Happy", and "Steady Eddie And A Boy Named Sue."

Don Surber also played off the Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue" and even wrote lyrics for it. He skillfully managed to squeeze a Larry Craig reference into the song:

Hillary dropped me like I was a blue dress
The Democrats made my life one big mess
I shook like a leaf or Larry Craig’s shoe.
In jail I think about how I just cannot win
But if I ever have a son, I think I’m gonna name him
Bill or George!
Anything but Hsu!
I still hate that name!

You can find more Hsu-related lyrics over at Old War Dogs, this time under the title "Shoo, Hsu, Baby":

You've seen him in Shanghai and Beijing too,
And now he's wearin' the Demos’ blue,
Hil had a tear in the corner of her eye,
As he said his last goodbye.

Musical Hsu puns actually have been quite popular. Dinocrat chose "Runaround Hsu," and Instapundit Glenn Reynolds opted for "Hsu-fly, don't bother me." Reynolds also offered this thought after Hsu's capture: "I wonder if they've got him on Hsuicide watch."

Shoe puns are a hit, too. From Townhall: "Waiting For The Next Hsu To Drop." And TPMCafe went for the headline "When The Other Hsu Drops" (with a link to "Hsu Done It" over at TPM Election Central).

VarvBlog blogged about Hsu's troubles under "The Hsu Fits," and The Powers That Be opted for "This Hsu Is Made For Runnin'"

Here are other Hsu puns I found in a blog search after realizing the trend:
-- Three Sources: "Hsu Fly Pie"
-- Southern Ledger: "Hsu's On First"
-- Forward Movement: "Democrats Hit By Hsu-nami"
-- The Latest Word: "So Hsu Me!"
-- Gather: "More Hsu-nanigans"

-- Tusk & Talon: "Deja Hsu"
-- TigerHawk: "Stomach Hsu"
-- Grammaticus: "Hsu Two"
-- Small Dead Animals: "Hillary Hears A Hsu"

-- A Blog For All: "Hsu's Money Is It?"
-- EPluribus Media: "Who's Hsu?"
-- Attytood: "Hsu Are You?"
-- The Belmont Club: "Hsu Goes There?"

UPDATE: Don Surber has more Hsu puns to share. He added one in the comments and sent me this one via e-mail about my entry: "You Hsu did a good job." Anyone else, or does that just about Hsu it up? Sorry, I couldn't resist.

UPDATE II: Michelle Malkin has been very punny when it comes to Hsu. She was one of the early users of "Hsu, fly, don't bother me" and noted his "Hsu-rrender!" late last month.

One of her readers also penned lyrics to "Runaround Hsu." Here's a taste:

Here’s my story, sad but true
It’s about a guy that I once knew
He [took my] money, then ran around
Giving money to every dem in townAh, I should have known it from the very start
This guy will leave me with a broken heart
Now listen people what I’m telling you
A-keep away from-a Runaround Hsu

UPDATE III: Another one from Instapundit -- "Strange But Hsu." Plus many more in the comments. (ADDED 9/10: Glenn Reynolds clearly is competing for top honors in the punitry now. His latest at Instapundit: "There's no business like Hsu's business.")

(Time for a Hsutable) UPDATE: Howard Mortman, the Prince Of Puns, joins our game of Trivial Pur-Hsuit and gives his readers an education about Jewish holidays at the same time. All of this playing on words may make the victim adopt a Hsudonym.

UPDATE IV: Howard Mortman just e-mailed to say it's time to change gears in the pun mobile. "Let’s revisit our Charlie Trie puns from 10 years ago!"

Posted by Danny | 09:08 AM

Comments

Thanks for the link. You did a helluva job. You have the biggest collection of Hsus this side of Imelda Marcos

Don Surber | 09.08.07 09:36 PM

It's More Hsu Pork.

fustian | 09.09.07 09:12 AM

aaAAA-HSU!!! God Bless You!

KSM | 09.09.07 10:00 AM

In the Movie, Get Short, one actor (Gene Hackman) tells another (John Travalota): Where do you get these names? JT is telling GH about mob names from Miami, and it is a hillarious scence. I think of this scene as I read names like Winkle Paw.

I am also puzzled as to why a guy with a degree in computer science from Berkeley (which is very hard to get into especially in their CS dept.) got into clothing business.

Was the money laundering involved in his UG fees at Berkeley? Who paid for his UPenn MBA education? Has anyone contacted his wife (they are now divorced)?

These are some questions to pursue on this HillRaiser.

Clintons Are Funny | 09.09.07 10:22 AM

You forgot,

Oh, Hsusanna, oh don't you cry for me,
I'm going to Colorado with a barf bag on my knee.

showbiz | 09.09.07 10:23 AM

Loved it! If I were you, though, I'd be wary. Some pun control advocate is likely to Hsu you for pun-itive damages.

Mike | 09.09.07 11:10 AM

Was he traveling under a Hsu-donym?

Jim Treacher | 09.09.07 11:45 AM

I'm a little slow. I've been working over lyrics to "Da Hsu-Ran-Ran-Ran" to the tune of this song. I'll let you know when it's done.

Random Numbers | 09.09.07 11:51 AM

The Who, or rather The Hsu, I think sang it best: "Hsu are you, hsu, hsu, hsu, hsu/ I really want to know/...".

e.cliff | 09.09.07 12:20 PM

The big Hsu (apologies to Ed Sullivan).

clyde | 09.09.07 12:35 PM

Oh, and TalkLeft is trying some Hsubterfuge.

Jim Treacher | 09.09.07 12:50 PM

It's a veritable Hsu store around here. Women must be loving this story.

MagicalPat | 09.09.07 01:19 PM

In fact, when they discover the money did come from the Chinese, will we see a mini series called:

The Red Hsu Diaries?

MagicalPat | 09.09.07 01:21 PM

Oh, come on people. Have a little respect. He is afterall on Hsu-icide watch.

MichelleO | 09.09.07 03:15 PM

Zimmerman Hsu flew, and Tyler Clinton knew

(Tip of the hat to the movie, Turk 182)

Shawn Levasseur | 09.09.07 05:32 PM

Really, folks. A person's name is an un-Hsu-table subject for mockery

triticale | 09.09.07 06:49 PM

Hsu cares.

nullified | 09.09.07 06:53 PM

Hsu's bidding on all those Democratic t-shirts?

toes | 09.09.07 06:57 PM

Some blogger came up with "Hsunami hits Democrats," which I think is the best one yet. Unfortunately I can't remember who the blogger was.

Eric | 09.09.07 07:25 PM

Here's a song I wrote sung to the tune of SuperCaliFragiListicExpiAliDocious...

It's called:

Hsu-per California Donors Extradition Opus

Chorus

Hsu-per California Donors Extradition Opus
Every check that bore his name,
it should have been suspicious
His businesses and domiciles
it turns out were fictitious
Hsu-per California Donors Extradition Opus

Verse

Norman Hsu had a technique,
For fund-raising flimflam
From Istanbul to Mozambique,
It kept him on the lam
He gathered filthy lucre
in amounts you’d call absurd
And laundered it to liberals
from Clinton to Bob Byrd

Chorus

He’d channel some cash through his friends,
and bundle up the rest
Supporting only Democrats
became his whole life’s quest
The Chi-Coms and George Soros
funneled millions carelessly
Hsu’d ask them who to give it to
and both said Hillary!

Chorus

Even though it’s not legal,
there’s no need for dismay
He gave it all to Blue Staters,
there won’t be hell to pay
Cause if you look at Democrats,
the whole party is rife
With people, if Republican,
who’d probably serve life.

Chorus

MagicalPat | 09.09.07 07:54 PM

How about redoing an old favorite from Abscam? "It Gives Me The Low Down Blues Ever Since You Found Money Stashed In My Hsu."

Eddie Kovacs | 09.10.07 01:56 AM

How about "If the Hsu Fits..."?

Kevin Baker | 09.10.07 09:29 AM

Best comment I've seen was on Tigerhawk regarding the MSM treatment of Mr Hsu.

If the Hsu flits, bury it.

Georg Felis | 09.10.07 03:21 PM

And I suppose "Hsugate" doesn't count? :)

Pete Fanning | 09.10.07 04:02 PM

Don't forget Norman, Hillary and Bill,,,
The Hsu-premes.
Stop in the name of love!

Mike Messina | 09.10.07 04:03 PM

So, when will a gum-Hsu find the source of his money?

Chad | 09.10.07 04:08 PM

There's a girl name Hill who's on my mind,
all the time
Hsu, Hsu, Hsu's bankroll

Now she don't even know my name
But she takes my donations just the same
Hsu, Hsu, Hsu's bankroll

Ah, if she called me I'd be there
I'd come running from anywhere (cept from the lam)
She's all I need all my life

I feel good if I just feel the dough
Hsu, Hsu, Hsu's bankroll

(thanks to the inspiring Phil Collins)

caveat bettor | 09.10.07 04:32 PM

Many were called, but Hsu were donors.

Mike | 09.10.07 04:33 PM

You don't like it? So Hsu me.

CDeBoe | 09.10.07 04:38 PM

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned his recent arrest in Colorado and the obvious pun that goes with it.

"Bad boys, bad boys. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for Hsu?"

Darkmage | 09.10.07 05:07 PM

Hsu-Hsu Sudeo... (Phil Collins)

How will the Dems perform on Hsu-per Tuesday?

GK | 09.10.07 07:33 PM

Also,

Blue suede Hsus....

GK | 09.10.07 07:36 PM

As the King of the Dead told Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli in the cave when they were surrounded, the same can now be told to Democratic recipients of these ill-gotten funds, who were hoping to get more :

"The Way is Hsut!!!"

GK | 09.10.07 07:43 PM

OK, I had to do a post devoted to this.

From The Futurist, I offer "The Way is Hsut".

GK | 09.10.07 08:31 PM

I keep thinking of "Hsu, Hsu, Hsudio."

Can't quite say why. Phil Collins on my mind, I suppose.

Meryl Yourish | 09.10.07 11:10 PM

Hsu's Yo (Sugar) Daddy?

or if you don't like that one, how 'bout:

Hsu Let the Dogs Out

Travellers Tales | 09.11.07 06:36 AM

I asked Lamont Cranston the ultimate question

"Hsu knows what money does to the hearts of Dems?"

Obviously, The Shadow knows.

Toes | 09.11.07 05:59 PM

Hey!! Instapundit Copied my 'Blue Suede Hsus' pun!! See 9.10.07 at 7:36PM.

GK | 09.12.07 08:18 PM

I think Hillary is worried that another Hsu-bombing will help the GOP.

Nick | 09.19.07 04:50 PM

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